toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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