I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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