shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
