I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize