Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
