I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
