Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
