So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
