if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What a dumb baby whore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
