i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
