I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
