I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
