I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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