Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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