this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
