I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
