Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
