Its about making memories worth repressing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
