I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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