dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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