o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize