i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
