did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
