I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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