It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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