just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
