As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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