Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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