i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
