What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who died my cat blue again?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
