im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
