Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
