my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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