i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
