is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
