trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A bitchslap is in order.
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