It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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