no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
