tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
