Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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