Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize