Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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