you traded sex for a burrito?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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