nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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