"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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