i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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