I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just threw up on my dentist
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
