What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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