your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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