i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
