dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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