I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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