Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
