We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
