suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
