DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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