Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize