I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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