We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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