4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
