its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will pee on everything he values.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
