she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
