called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
