Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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