Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
