K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
