Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
