im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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